Happiness Over Ego

If there is one thing that I absolutely love, it is having deep conversations with women. 

I have been privy to so many good talks. Talks that have not only made me question myself, but they’ve also pushed me to reevaluate my thoughts, or even given me the ever-famous Oprah “A-ha moment.” But out of all of the memorable conversations that I have had, the one that sticks out to me the most was a late-night heart-to-heart, had in Hawaii with a group of girlfriends. 

This night, we had planned somewhat of a “Bo-ho” fabulous evening. A group of us were sitting in my good friend Mandy’s backyard where she had laid blankets, and pillows and lit the area with soft lights. It was an absolute vibe. All of us were seemingly relaxed, enjoying our wine and laughter. I remember someone asking the question, “What are you afraid of.” Collectively, I think we all paused. Where some could have answered this question with physical fears like spiders, heights, or car crashes these women went deep and were brutally honest. Every single one of the women expressed their fear of failure. Failure of being a bad mother, failure of not being successful, or even failure of not achieving their goal of weight loss. Failure. Failure. Failure. 

Years later, I still vividly recall that conversation. I often wonder, why failure? 

Why is it that women have such an intense fear of failure? Here is where I consider my own fears. I have always feared failure. I have feared not being successful enough, not being smart enough, and absolutely feared divorce. Why? Because to me, it would have shown that I wasn’t good enough, that I could not hold a marriage together, and that I couldn’t accomplish a goal that I had set out for myself. As I think about this, I realize that my fear is inherently based on my own ego. Ego tells me that I have an image that I give out to the world. An image that shows perfection. But good Lord, I am not perfect. Perhaps, if I stepped away from this idea of perfection, then I would give myself the opportunity to do more, to try more, to live more.  Maybe, just maybe, in embracing the potential of failure, I actually have a chance to live authentically.  Because people don’t need perfection and I really don’t think that women  need to hear another story from a woman who hasn’t failed, faced hardship or questioned her own sanity every now and again. 

And when we accept the chance that we may fail, then we are making a decision to put our effort into something that we want, and this is the best part. 

Because making a decision to move forward despite all of the “what ifs” - tells our ego to sit the hell down and allows us to create our own happiness.