Let Go of That Agreement, You Are ALL Things!

I don’t know who created them or why we decided to follow them, but there are so many ridiculous rules about who a woman should be and what she should do. This “Woman Agreement” has been around for decades and so many of us signed up for it without question. While I can’t explain why, I can point out a few of the most well-known rules:

• RULE #1 - BE INDEPENDENT: Yes ladies, independence is important. You must be independent and capable of handling all things on your own. You should be educated, financially savvy and you shouldn’t “need” anyone to take care of you! 
  *But remember…You shouldn’t need a man… but then again you can’t be so independent that you give the illusion that you don’t “need a man,” because what man wants a woman that wants to handle things on her own? 

• RULE #2 - BE SUCCESSFUL: Success is key! Women should strive for success and should want to take charge! You need to break the “mold,” start the movements, push for progress and get stuff done!
  *But remember… Too much success is a problem! No man wants a “masculine” woman and beyond that, what man wants to compete with his woman? And if you’re too successful then how are you supposed to be a proper wife or mother?

• RULE #3 -BE A MOTHER: What do you think you’ve been training for the last 20+ years? Wifedom and Motherhood! Didn’t they teach you that every woman ever born has maternal instincts and should want to (above all else) have children?! As per the Agreement, you should want to raise at least 2.5 kids and become a stay-at-home mom. By the way, when you have kids you’ll earn an additional set of Agreements…this one specifically for Moms.
  *And remember…How you raise your children is also a DIRECT reflection of you as a woman. So, you better check all of those boxes i.e., organic home-cooked meals, no electronics, matching Christmas Pajamas, and a perfectly postable annual family photo. Breastfeeding is a must (but only for the “acceptable” amount of time) and your personal interest and hobbies need to go out the window, self-care is selfish and your family comes first!

• RULE #4 APPEARANCE IS EVERYTHING: As a woman, your appearance is important, so you need to be presentable at all times. Now, presentable can be a broad term, so let’s break this agreement down. You must never be overweight, your hair should always be done, dress to impress.
  P.S. Don’t forget the most important aspect of this rule. After you cross off Rule #3 you will need to SNAP-BACK! Because, who wants to be with a woman carrying all of that extra baby weight? Don’t you see the influencers and celebrities that only need 3 weeks before they are posting a flat tummy snap-back photo? What’s your excuse?
  

Are these Agreements sounding more familiar? You may not have known about these Agreements, but I can guarantee that many of us are following them without question. And with every rule that we initial, we then feel guilty and beat ourselves up for what we lack. If we are crossing off Rule #3, then we must not be handling Rule #2. If you are a mom with a successful career, how often are you beating yourself up for not being there enough for your kids? How often do you feel pulled to be more in motherhood? How often does your motherhood get questioned in your career? How many times have you had to justify whether or not you could be a great asset to a company simply because you have children? 

We even feel guilty for trying to take care of ourselves physically and mentally. Despite the fact that we are tasked with looking and feeling good at all times, the gym and self-care become seen as more time that we are spending away from our spouse and/or our kids. 

Here’s the thing. It’s not too late to tear up your agreement. As of today that shit is null and void. Now, your task is to create an agreement between you and yourself that says you are capable of all things. Because you are, you can do it all. You can be exceptionally good at your career, be an amazing mother, and be healthy all around. Here is the key.

Be where you are.

That’s it. That’s the key. You don’t need to drive yourself crazy or stress yourself out about not being enough. Instead, be where you are. 

When you pick your kids up after school or get home from work just be THERE. Listen to your kids, ask a ton of questions, put the phone down, cook together, laugh together and again LISTEN. When you are at the gym or working out, be there, in that moment. Enjoy the time to yourself. Enjoy what your body is capable of. Get lost in the music and in the movement. When you are with your spouse - be there without distraction. 

Just be there, in those moments, in those spaces. This is what your kids will remember. They will remember your presence. They will remember you being fully with them. They will remember you leaning into their story and not rushing them along or shushing them up. When you are working, let that be your focus and when it is time to go, simply let it go. No checking emails, no phone calls, be present in the next moment. 

Hon, you can do ALL things. Not only can you live an “Agreement-Free” life you can also live a life in which you star as the adventurer, as a spiritualist, as an athlete, an artist, a mother, a listener, an amazing friend, a beautiful partner. You can do it all! Simply, lead a full life with no regrets, be present in your moments, and don’t forget that life is about the quality of moments, not the quantity of them. So, hon simply create good moments.